Happy (late) Easter!

Easter was actually an entire week ago and I am just now getting around to posting about it,, but again I am going to use the baby-card (how long is that good for?) Brandon is now 8 weeks old and still has yet to put himself on anything resembling some sort of daily routine. He eats whenever he wants for however long he wants and I am along for the ride. I thought he had finally figured out his nights - 3 nights in a row he slept for 6 hours straight! Until I decided to brag about it to people and then BAM! The last two nights he has been up every 2-3 hours. That'll teach me to brag about my kid. 

Easter Sunday was so much fun over here. The three of us woke up in bed together and then went out to see what the Easter bunny brought for Brandon!

I know it's a tiny bit ridiculous to put together an Easter basket for a 7 week old baby, but to be honest it was more for me than him - I'm not embarrassed to admit that ;) The basket was from Pottery Barn Kids, it has his name embroidered on it and it can be reused every year so no money wasted there. And the pictures I got out of it are priceless in my opinion <3

 Then we went to church for Easter service where Brandon received extensive compliments on his green bow-tie; and I loved hearing people in the congregation chuckle whenever he would grunt or fart during the service =)

 

After churh our families came over for Easter brunch. We had mimosas, bloody mary's, iced coffee, fruit skewers, quiche, cinnamon rolls, chicken salad, ham, croissants, cake and cupcakes,, Mmm Mmm Mmm!

If anyone was wondering how the fruit skewers on Pinterest turn out in real life, this is it.

 

And there was absolutely no way I was letting Brandon's first Easter sail by without a themed photo shoot. I have limited years where he (and Aaron) will allow me to do this. I intend on making good use =)

But by far the best part about this Easter was the fact that both of my brothers were able to fly into town and meet their nephew for the first time! Andrew and Kay were able to stay for a whole week while Ian was only here for a little over 24 hours. It was so fun to see them all with their nephew and have the whole family together!

  I know this post was picture-overload, but when it comes to keeping memories, why skimp?

This was definitely an Easter for the books and I am soo looking forward to next year when Brandon will be more interactive and OMG I just realized he will be old enough to do an Easter egg hunt.

=)

Six Week Growth Spurt

Dear Brandon,

You turned six weeks old on Saturday, congratulations! This means a few things. In addition to Daddy and I celebrating keeping you alive for a full month and a half, we have also enjoyed watching you transform from a cuddly newborn into an adorable infant. You now follow us with your eyes when we move around the room and you are gaining incredible neck control; and lets not forget that adorable smile you have been showing us! But in addition to these enjoyable milestones comes a not-so-enjoyable one,, the six week growth spurt or as I lovingly refer to it as 'the growth spurt from hell'.

I read somewhere that six weeks is when lots of women switch to formula and I can see why. Everything you do right now is as if to tell me that my milk supply is low. You are fussy, switch sides constantly and have developed this high-pitched squeal to vocalize your annoyance whenever the speed of my let-down is not to your liking. You 'cluster-feed' which means that you are permanently attached to my chest and take about 4.7 second breaks in between each feeding; just enough time to psych me out and think that I might be able to actually set you down. You flail your arms, pummel me with your fists, head-butt my chest and scratch me like an angry squirrel. It seems like the only person you hate more than me right now is your dad whenever he tries to hold you and you realize he doesn't have breasts.

Mommy is a nurse. I know what this is, I know the reason for it and I know that you are far from starving. I know that you are fussy not because you aren't getting enough to eat, but as a way of communicating with my body as part of the supply and demand process. I know that the only way to get through this is to follow your cues, to switch you from side to side, talk to you and soothe you however I can. It is obvious from the mountain of poopy and wet diapers that not only are you getting enough milk, you’re practically drowning in it. This is just how breastfeeding works. Your behavior is actually an indication that things are perfect and as nature designed. You are nursing frequently to keep me there with you.

None of this knowledge makes it any easier though. Your daddy loves both of us very much and doesn't like to see me exhausted or on the verge of tears. He doesn't like offering to hold you to give me a break only to have you cry seconds later because you need to nurse again. Daddy could give you a bottle of my milk from the freezer but that would just slow down what you are trying so hard to do, increase my milk supply. You don’t need a bottle right now. You need to be connected to me to help my milk change and better meet your needs as you make the transition from newborn to infant. That is the purpose of this.

You may wonder why I’m telling you this. It is simple. One day you will have your first baby, and you will watch your wife go through what I am going through. I want you to know how wonderful your daddy has been these past few days and I want you to do everything you can to be just like him. He has swept the floors, washed the dishes, folded laundry and most importantly not once has he lost his patience with you. Your crying never seems to phase him and he has this amazing ability to identify the split second right when I am about to cry from frustration, come snatch you up and give me a kiss on the cheek.

I know that this growth spurt is temporary, a few days at most. The fussiness will pass. The sleep will return. You will grow and I will miss these days terribly. As tired or as frustrated as I may be right now just know Brandon, that these are actually the happiest days of mommy's life because I know that there is nothing in this world right now that can make you happier than being cuddled up on my chest. There is something sweet in knowing that I am the only person you want. I love how much you need me right now and in that sense at least, I wish things could stay like this forever.

Love, your Mama

Baby Blues

I'm going to take a quick break now from the cutesy posts about how adorable my baby is and what a fairy-tale I am living in right now, and write about the not so glamorous side of early motherhood. My first two weeks home with my new baby were absolutely wonderful and I am completely in love with my son, however it has been far from a Johnson&Johnson commercial here at the Boyer house. I would love to say that every day has been filled with smiles and cute photo-ops but that just simply isn't true - quite the opposite - more like tears and anxiety attacks.

The hormonal roller-coaster started our first night home from the hospital. Brandon was born early on a Saturday morning and we were home by Sunday morning. The rest of the day our home was an open-house for visiting family members.

Aaron and I were excited to show our new baby off to our families and I was totally fine. But after about 9 hours of having 10+ people over passing Brandon around, anxiety started to set in. All of a sudden the sight of other people holding my baby started to make me angry and I could feel my heart pounding. I couldn't focus on the dinner-table conversation and was now trying just to hold back tears. I felt this weird pressure in my chest like I physically NEEDED to hold my baby otherwise I might lose it. I whispered to Aaron that I needed everyone to go home and he must have detected the desperation in my voice because within a hot minute he snatched the baby from whoever was holding him and got the process of clean-up and good-byes started.

Once everybody was gone Aaron and I sat on the couch with Brandon and I started balling. I'm talking breath-gasping, ugly-face sobbing. I buried my face in Brandon's neck and within minutes his outfit was soaked with tears. Aaron asked  me what was wrong but I wasn't even sure. I was upset about other people being in our house and holding Brandon, I was really sad that my pregnancy was over, I missed my big belly and feeling Brandon move around inside me, I was sad that Brandon was getting older by the minute, but mostly I just felt sad - period.

This feeling continued on and off for 2-3 weeks. I love my baby and I love being a mom, but the first 2 weeks of his life all I wanted to do was stay in the house, sit on the couch with him and cry. I didn't have the energy or the motivation to get up and go anywhere, but sitting on the couch all day made me feel lazy which added to my frustration. I cried multiple times a day for various reasons, sometimes for no reason at all. I just felt sad. Sometimes Aaron looked at me like I had two heads, but mostly he was understanding and supportive. Occasionally I was able to put on a happy face and go for a walk or cook dinner, but mostly I just felt depressed and wanted to stay inside and hide from the world. I didn't even feel up to talking on the phone or returning text messages.

Bringing home a new baby is a huge adjustment. You are sleep-deprived, you lose all sense of a daily-routine and you are physically sore. Combine this with the hormonal roller-coaster going on inside your body and its surprising they don't  automatically transfer all new moms to a psych ward straight from the labor and delivery unit. The third week was when I started feeling better and by week 4 I would say I am pretty much back to normal now. I am still sleep deprived and I still have not worked out a daily routine with Brandon yet, but I stopped crying on a daily basis and I finally feel like I can enjoy watching Brandon grow now instead of being sad about it. Thank God. The emotional up and down is very exhausting and it's nice now to be able to look at my baby and feel nothing but joy =)